I Just Want to Understand

By | 5:00 PM Leave a Comment
Have you ever loved someone more than you ever thought you could? And like.... it isn't even the type of love you've always dreamed of experiencing, it's stupid love: No matter what that person could ever do to you, you can't help but love them. Why though? I just wish I could detach myself completely from it all, from everyone, even myself. Especially myself! But no... I'm here, loving someone who says they love me but all they ever do is make me feel like crap. I don't want to do this anymore and I personally would love to tell you how to get out of a situation like this, but i can't. I don't have the answers. No one does. 

At school, my teacher said, "Emilio, it seems like something is bothering you." Which of course I wouldn't respond and she'd continue, "Well you know you can talk to me if you'd like. If not, then just write about your problems." 

I looked at her, "Write my problems?" 

"Yes, you know, like poetry or even in a journal or something. A lot of people do it and it seems to help them and no one even has to see it."

My eyes grew large with love. I need to escape. So I sat down and wrote:

This was effortless.

I don't like what you do to me for you and "for me" but is really for you.

How can I talk to you about my problems?

When you're my problem.

And if I told you, It would cause my problems.

Where does that leave me?

I just want to understand why you do what you do.

I just want to understand why I continue to let this happen.

You're hurting me and you know it. 

You're hurting me... You know it.

You're hurting me... You

You... It's always You.

I handed this in to my teacher and watched her as she read it. She didn't say anything. She just hugged me as I cried. I Just Want to Understand why I'm still wasting tears over you.

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